nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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