What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
