I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
