i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
