When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
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I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze