I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings