wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.