a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.