2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea