Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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