Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
