Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
