just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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