dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize