This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
