Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
