Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
