it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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