Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
