how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
