her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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