Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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