8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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