why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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