just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
