I heard we made out
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
