Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
