I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
