At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
