Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize