Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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