I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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