He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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