I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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