At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
