It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
