Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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