i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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