I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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