Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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