just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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