xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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