this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
