I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
