Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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