my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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