worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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