Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
