just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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