She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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