so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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