Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
