I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
