i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
