Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
