Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
