I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
