The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
