I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
