You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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