yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
