Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
