5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
