is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
